An ode to two beautiful souls

When Sean and I broke up for the third and final time, I used to listen to this song over and over. I pretended they were the words he wanted to say.
I don't know if anyone knows what an amazing musician Jeff Buckley was. He drowned in Memphis in 1997. Sean makes me so sad. I talk to him only sometimes and I usually spend the conversation encouraging him to live. Things could have been so different. (Just take the Goddamn anti-depressants!)I have no regrets for my own life combined with his but I doubt any peace will ever come to him, and that is so darn sad. I am an eternal optimist but somehow when it comes to Sean... I guess I just need to write how much I love him, how sorry I am that he is unhappy and confused so often. Age 23 is a lifetime ago.

Lover, You Should`ve Come Over
(Jeff Buckley)
Looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When i'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So i'll wait for you... and i'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe i'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And i'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well i'm waiting for you

Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Melly and me

ay dios mio!

So as far as dates go, last night was a 9. Would have been a 10 if he was still here now. There is something magical about that guy and me. He has that good-guy-biker-with-a-code of honor thing going. Loves his friends, is creative, kind but definitely wears the pants. Yep, I'm in trouble Mama. He said after he saw me everything around him went into soft focus except for me. He didn't even sound cheesy when he said that! Then he said "me and you, we just work." Yeah we do.
We sat in my yard last night, I made a fire and drinks for us. We kissed alot, we talked alot. It was easy and simple. I was so worried that it would be hard, I didn't want to have to seek anyone out or play any fucking games. I didn't have to. He just fell, literally, at my feet. hijole!

the ox and the boar meet again

Tonight I see the punk rock cowboy again. This has been the longest week of my life. We have been textin' fools. I am suddenly terrified.
"Will he still think I'm cute?
He's way too good looking for me, he could be with anyone.
Was he just drunk before? Will he think I'm fat?"Oh GAWD. Make me stop! The same thing happened with the Bee Charmer and I survived.Why do I date men prettier than me? I think I have a problem.
So, wish me luck world. Ox's are steady, habitual, kind, and dedicated.
Boars like me are decadent, freewheelin', and happy. Can this even work?
You couldn't stop me from finding out if there was dynamite attached to me feet.

"if you don't want to do it twice, you probably shouldn't of done it the first time"

There are only a few nights like Saturday night in a person's lifetime. Another one for me was June 2, 2006.
The moon was huge, the house majestic and the people seemed to be hand picked as the best Los Angeles has to offer. It is agreed that this party was one of the best ever.The food, the entertainment, the DJ, the pool temperature, the gorgeous full moon hanging above the canyons, the fog show that rolled in through them at dusk and then cleared for night time... Truly amazing. Then as if it couldn't get any better, a vision of sheer RIDICULOUS beauty suddenly appeared at the edge of the jacuzzi sporting a black cowboy shirt and a mohawk, a chest the size of "The Rock", and a smile that could kill small animals, and said "Hi sweet pea". Good God. Sorry, no pictures but believe me, it's silly, mad, illegal kind of manliness. The rest is like a an Anne Rampling novel.
He even quoted my favorite Dorthy Parker poem to me, which is well, HOT, and the fact that he is a writer is well, Hot, and I don't care if I sound like a total idiot right now because you would too. Trust me.

Razors pain you;

Rivers are damp;

Acids stain you;

And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful;

Nooses give;

Gas smells awful;

You might as well live.

D.Parker

Drinking on the job

Yes, this is my life. This is my job.. Notice the expensive french champagne I get to enjoy at the same time? I only do that at his house actually.. We've become close friends. Just thought I'd take a minute to appreciate California, my job, the good life.

my little creatures

naked art

When I was a kid my mother had a poster that said, " when one is not rich you either buy art or you buy clothes" and a tall naked woman sat in a room surrounded by paintings.
Today I bought my very first painting. My friend Melly is a fabulous artist. We have started having "arts and crafts" nights at her house sometimes. We paint tiles and our newest thing is to paint old records. They come out really great actually. Melly is the sister of a certain rock icon. Her brothers’ music is such a huge part of my life, the soundtrack to my days living in SF and my serial relationship with Sean. Some 20 year old the other day said “who's Alice in Chains?” and my mouth dropped open. I’m getting old. She has great stories, and some not-so-great stories about that time. Those boys sure knew how to self-destruct. Sounds like they still do, if they survived.
My Mom bought pieces of art from her friends over the years. My favorite artist is a man that we were friends with in Oregon when I was a kid. We lived on a piece of land for a while in the mountains off the coast of South Beach/Newport. We lived in a huge wooden house with a family and several other people lived in other spots on the property such as the barn and in a tree house. We all piled into the most gorgeous sweat lodge every Sunday that was large enough to seat 15 people or more. It had tiered seating and an oak slide at the top that plunged you into freezing cold fresh mountain water at the base.
After doing the sweat Rick Bartow and his band “Knee Deep” would often set up on the land and play the blues for us. He has become a renowned artist and the piece my Mom bought from him is my favorite in her collection. He loves to paint crows and the crow has been a special symbol in my life for many years. I love the black shiny feathers and their intense dignity. I even took care of an injured one when I lived in Santa Barbara. A school mate of mine came up to me in high school and handed me a painting of a crow she had done and said "It's a portrait of you." She wasn't aware of my connection with them at all. In fact she and I had never really spent any time together so the fact that she painted a picture for me at all was odd. I shlepped that around until the mold got to it in Hawaii.
I bought this painting from Melly because it represents so much. Business,hustle and bustle, the confusion of dating, urban life at large. It looks sunny in it's color and almost as if it is raining.As if smeared and reflected sky in puddles.
I will write more later now that blogger seems to functioning again!
Pic 1- Ms. Starr herself( best last name in the world!)
pic 2- the art I purchased from Melinda- U da' best, werd up.
Pic 3- My latest finished piece
Pics 4-7 Rick Bartows art

Snap Peas are deeeelicious

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feeling squeaky clean and bright eyed, in love with life and everyone I know.
Produce has never tasted so fucking good.

Day Eight

I'm kinda ready for this to be over now. I miss food. I miss food with friends. No one wants to hang out with someone who isn't drinking or eating. I miss stopping for an afternoon coffee. I miss my red tea and even my vitamin B drops. I feel great, I'll make it to day ten but I'm HELLA bored.
Here are the food goals I have set though.
I will bless each meal. It is proven that it increases it's nutritional value.
I will refrain from all white flour and white sugar.
I will eat slowly and really enjoy it.
I will eat TONS of veggies.
That's not too hard. Not after this, nothing is.
I'd like to say I'm quiting coffee but I'm not. Forget it.

Day Seven

Can anyone believe I have gone this long without food? I sure as hell can't. I'm pretty proud of me. I massaged the greatest guy yesterday. New client. He was happily married, a writer for "Lost", a triathlete that did Iron Man on the Big Island. We had a great conversation. He said in a totally non-sleazy way "do you get hit on while you're massaging people, like, all the time?" It was a nice way of him telling me he thought I was cute without breaking any rules. We got in a conversation about relationships and how he met his wife and he said " Don't worry AT ALL Stef, he'll find you, he will." I thought that was a sweet thing for someone to say who just met me.
I find it funny that the said "heart breaker" said " you shouldn't be thinking about me with another woman during this time of your cleanse." WHAT THE HELL ELSE AM I GONNA THINK ABOUT? I can't numb my feelings with food or alcohol so I just have to face the pain. Yes, I meditate every morning, I do oil pastels every night, I work my ass off all day, I organized all my paperwork, I read great literature, study quantum physics,... I think I am doing pretty well considering but to ignore the fact that the close friend I had I lost to someone else named STEPHANIE (because I can't be around him without wanting to punch him) hurts like fuck and I am not going to put that out of my head right now. I want answers without having to ask questions, I want peace and closure without losing anything precious to me (him). I want things I can never have. Not with him. This sucks donkeys and I am not going to pretend it doesn't.
I can't wait to spend a month in Hawaii in December. I can't fucking wait to go to SF next month. Hopefully I get to see the Bee Charmer. He makes everything tastier. Just like honey he is.

Day six

My last entry included the lyrics to one of my favorite songs of all time. I think it may be one of the happiest, most good-feeling songs out there. My Mom informed me that it too, is one of her favorites. I miss Jon. I think he's in Boston for his beloved Grandma's funeral. We danced on top of his coffee table drunk a few weeks ago singing along to that song of ours. We have done so probably 50 times. In fact, I think I'll play it now while I write this entry. Pause pause... Ah, that's better.
It's hard to type when my head is bobbing.
So here I am beginning day 6 of the cleanse. It's been a roller coaster ride. Hold on, I need to dance.
I wish I still had the cow bell Sean gave me for my 23rd birthday. So romantic.
" I'm just an animal lookin for a home...."
OK, I'm back. So anyway, day 6 without food. I'm over the half way point. I have massaged like crazy for the whole time even with raging headaches. I feel so clear. My brain is working so fast, I can calculate quickly, access memories with vivid clarity and recollection, my sense of smell is RIDICULOUS. I can smell the TYPE of fish my neighbor is grilling and what spices he used.I smelled mold in my expensive pillows so they're gone now. I can breathe through my nose and mouth with ease for the first time in 2 years. My WAY skinny jeans fit.. That won't last but it gives me something to aim for while I'm eating food again. It's nice to look in the mirror and like what I see. I can't believe someone else isn't enjoying this! (T! You loser!)
The lucid dreams are crazy too. I'm dreaming about everything and everyone. I sleep like a stone too though. Lights on, TV on, I'm crashed out. I wake up refreshed at 6 am. Leo and I are finally on a similar schedule. "Meow meow mew mew" doesn't bug me so much at the butt crack of dawn. (Whose Dawn? T would say).
Lastly, my new found creative medium, oil pastels, have gone to another level I think. Art is so loving, it's like pets and babies, it doesn't care how old you are or what you look like, or notice your bad sides, it just loves you back without question.

This must be the place

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - burn with a weak heart
(So I) guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up & say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - -she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be

Hi yo We drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head Ah ooh
Talking Heads

Day three begins..

"Inspiration comes forth from within. It's what the light burning within you is about, as opposed to motivation, which is doing it because if you don't do it, there will be negative repercussions. Motivation is making myself do something that I don't really want to do. Inspiration is having the clear picture of what I am wanting -- and letting Universal forces come into play to get the outcome."
Abraham-hicks
I liked today's quote. It makes alot of sense. Am I inspired to write or motivated? Inspired.
Let's recap.
I ate only homemade veggie soup with TONS of organic veggies, garlic, jalapeno pepper, ginger, cayenne, parsley, and cilantro on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Monday and Tuesday I have only had sea salt water in the morning and then the lemon concoction all day. This will be the case until the end of Wednesday the 18Th.
The headache I experienced on day one and half of day two were nothing short of horrific. Still even though the pain was so present, and other circumstances regarding my same ol' broken-hearted-ness, my outlook has been amazing. I love waking up naturally at 6 AM. I love feeling light on my feet again and in full awareness mode. When you are not eating ANYTHING, many things happen.
This is such a meditative experience. I am always taking care of myself, monitoring my physical and emotional meter. It's a strong feeling of self-love, these extreme circumstances that I am sticking to for my own importance, it feels good.
I miss food and coffee but I'm not DYING to have it or feeling all that hungry. In fact when I have gone into stores to get distilled water or something, all the food looks disgusting and toxic. This is not the case at Whole Foods, therefore I cannot even step into that store for another 7 days. The lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne are supposed to provide enough calories and nutrition to keep you from extreme hunger and it works. I think about making Peet's Coffee and it seems so decadent right now. My appreciation for delicious rich food is renewed. I love rich, creamy, salty, food. Hopefully now I can enjoy small amounts of it and really stop and slowly enjoy it instead of wolfing things down. God, if I didn't massage for a living I would probably be HUGE. I saw this chubby teenage girl eating french fries with such vigor yesterday it was scary. She could not eat them fast enough. She truly looked like a junkie getting her fix after days without.
My bond with Jacqueline is at an all time high. We are in touch every few hours for phone support and its terrific. When "circumstances" regarding the "heart-breaker" occurred yesterday she was right there too. She and I have the ability to throw ourselves int he other persons shoes, access how it would feel and the also give an outsiders loving perspective. That is the kind of friendship that never goes away. People can be so lazy and self-centered with one another. My friends never are. Not my really close ones.
I filled my house with plants and flowers and candles.(coincidentally my client gave me a beautiful glass aromatherapy candle last night. She knew I loved the one she always had burning so she got me one. What a sweetheart. I have the BEST clients).It smells delicious and looks divine too. An old "friend" came over last night for a visit and he got tears in his eyes when he saw my house. He kept saying how good it feels in here. It does. I love it too.
I hope this cleanse catapults me into a new behavior. I would like to try eating raw for a while but it is a huge lifestyle commitment that seems more confining than freeing at times but maybe I'll try it. I'll tackle that subject after these next 7 days are finished.
My body looks good. I haven't felt that way for a while. I think I lost about 6 pounds already and I'm walking or stair climbing everyday (except for day 1,the headache was too debilitating). This is good. I'm really enjoying this time.

This house is clean

So here's the deal. One of my dear friends of many years, Jaquelina, and I are on day 2 of tapering off the food intake. We will be eating pretty much veggies and seeds until Monday wherein the TEN day Master Cleanse diet will start.
The master cleanse website
This means, NO FOOD, only a lemon,cayenne,maple syrup concoction. I haven't done this since I was 19, living in Isla Vista, and madly in love with Greg. We were each other's first true loves. I'm not sure I have been loved like that since.
He could be such a pain in the ass though. If you think I can whine... never mind. We are still friends, he lives here in LA. He really is a fantastic guy.
Anyway, I remember how good I felt after the first two difficult days. The headaches and lethargy is replaced by an incredible sense of well being and unbounded energy.
I don't know how it will be to massage under these conditions but hopefully not too bad. I am eager to do this. I feel like I am really ready to start this process. Jaqueline and I are a good team too. We have the same intensity about things. After watching "sicko" I feel more than ever, that I want to be in control of my health. I don't want to rely on this medical system or on the "relieve the symptoms/mask the real problem" method western medicine predominantly lives by. I would much rather spend 250$ a month on healthy foods, delicious tea's and acupuncture. That amount of money (which is what I have been quoted by Kaiser) would make a massive impact on my over all health.
So, wish me luck! I am not looking forward to the 32 Oz's of salt water we are to drink each morning for, you know, intestinal cleansing. EEgadds.

18 reasons Ojai will be my home someday

"Meditation Mountain" where my prayer "please God please help me stop being a jealous little bitch." was said. See older posts if you are confused as to why.
It totally didn't work BTW...Well, maybe a little.










Love love love you guys!!!!

Appreciation

I cant stop singing "it's a cat in a box"... When he sleeps there in the planter. (Reference to Justin Timberlakes SNL "It's a dick in a box" song/skit.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0OoCC3Wzrg
(make sure to Copy and Paste links into your search bar.)
If you haven't seen it get ready to laugh your ass off.]


We would begin saying, "I'm not ever going to get it done. I'm an eternally expanding Being, and I'm doing great where I am, and I'm so eager about what's coming." That's the essence of the vibration that keeps adventurous things coming, keeps you feeling always excited, stable and secure, keeps you feeling in love with life. All day, every day, count your blessings! All day, every day, make your lists of things you appreciate. And as you keep activating what is working in your life, then more pleasing things on all subjects will flow to you
Abraham daily quote I receive everyday in my
e-mail.If you would like to receive the daily quotes go to:
http://www.abraham-hicks.com/dqsubscribe.php

My appreciation list for today:
1. My home is so comfortable and cute, a hidden treasure, an access to nature right here in one of the largest cities in America.
2. My cat didn't need stitches or a disgusting abscess tube.(thank GOD)
3. Oil pastels in the morning outside with Peet's French Roast Coffee (there is no substitute).
4. Old friends contacting me after 13 years. (oh Tara, great to have you back!)
5. Hot, super intelligent men I have known or still know in my life. You make the world a better place. Sorry if you didn't make the list. You may have to work harder. Ha Ha Just kidding.
My thanks to:
Geoff Tyson
The Haa Brothers (amazing genetic pool)
Braden Klug
Todd Prather
Mike Scalzi
Anthony Perez
Jeffery Pounds
Larry Solav
Lawrence Griffin
Jasper Graham
Deeeeeee-licious
I sure have had a great week. Hell, a great life.

Love

I am not feeling particularly motivated to write today but I am going to give a shot at it anyhow. I want to explore a rather large subject, one that involves every facet of human life and love. It has been hard to tackle this entry but I will try.
There are some perspectives that I have gained in my 20 years of dating and some internal debates that seem to have sometimes grid locked me between the intellectual/mental traffic and the emotional.
I will attempt some of these very personal perspectives here. They are my personal truths as well some emotional pitfalls.
This is a very open attempt at uncovering my true desires as well as letting go of the need for external emotional feedings we all seek from the many different types of relationships we engage in throughout our lifetime.

I believe we are here to create more life everyday. Period. We are creators. We collectively create, conclude, make rules of reality to live by and then they change. This is evolution. Our reality changes itself based on the contrast of new desires born of old ones.
I believe we are here to create and to do so because of the sole purpose of giving and receiving love. People do everything they do to feel better while they are here. Nothing feels better than love and acceptance.
I believe that true love and acceptance is the opposite of fear. I believe that we only acquire unfufilling, destructive forms of relationships when we are motivated by our fear of not feeling safe and therefore choose to act from a place of control rather than a place of unconditional acceptance of ourselves and another.
In every situation we can ask "am I doing this from a place of love or from a place of fear?" and immediately, without delay our bodies and our minds know the answer.
We can choose an unconscious path, not ask that very real question, behave out of fear, and then spend alot of time finding our way back to love. Abraham says "most people would rather be right than feel good." I have found myself flopping back and forth between acting from this clear perspective and then slipping back into fear in a remarkably ritualistic way over the last ten months.
I know that nothing is real until we make it so and we make a choice every moment about what that is going to be thus creating our lives ourselves. No one does that for another ever. No one can make you feel good or better without you deciding to receive "good and better". I have a friend that I went back and forth with romantically for the last 13 years. He could have the world at his feet, all systems go, huge amounts of love offered and still he flat out refused to be happy at times. He could find the one tiny thorn in a garden and then lie there bleeding and blaming.
In my stronger times I could walk around and past him with joy still in my heart, gratitude regarding everything in my own life, and provide a healthy compassion for him without it draining my own resources. Other times I was in a living hell. I begged for mercy from his all encompassing depression and pleaded for him to be willing to feel better so that I could. I eventually found it harder and harder to not to go to that place with him. I would beg to feel the fun again, the high times we experienced from a meeting of the mind, the chemistry, the familiarity of each other as family,... He would sink away in a blink of an eye. I tried every tool and angle but nothing ever worked for very long. I love him, I honor what we shared, but walking away saved my life. I thought for a long time that I was going to be stuck in a place of "damage repair" forever. I thought I was incapable of healthy love. I really just loved the good stuff, loved loving, I still do.
I'm happy to say that the people I have shared my heart with in the last 3 years have been amazing men. Just because it didn't "last forever" doesn't mean it didn't "work out". It worked out just fine for that allotted time and relationships once created are eternal. They become part of our information. The collected information that is us. I don't always feel that way obviously. Sometimes I feel abandoned, sometimes I feel resentful that the circumstances are cheating me out of something I deserve. Sometimes I feel like I am constantly setting myself up to not share life with another because it is for others that are more entitled for some reason. But life is not like that. No one has a guarantee, no matter what it looks like from the outside. Most of the couples I've known that seemed to have a guarantee aren't together anymore.
So here I am. I have spent time with someone for 10 months now. It has been predominately good. It is a relationship based, almost always, on acceptance, kindness, mutual mental stimulation,recognized good heartedness of one another(trust),and profound sexual chemistry.
What I have not been able to accept are these things:
Less time with that person than I would like.
WHY?
Positive answer: I function well in a relationship. I am motivated by a sense of partnership. I can move mountains for those I care for when focused on mutual goals thus moving my own mountains. It is easier in this life to accomplish with the power of two rather than alone. I have fun with him, I laugh, he laughs, we explore, we cerebrate and question, we are inspired and curious, we share physical ecstasy.. Why wouldn't I want that more?
Negative answer: Because my place in life seems more validated with the mirror of reciprocal love in front of me. Because I feel safer with the strength of his character around to pick up the slack of not trusting myself to do things alone.
Wanting to be the only person in his life sexually.
WHY?
Positive answer: Because it is intimacy. It is a sacred loving bond. It is a combining of energy that creates a life of its own. Because it is physically safer to not have many sexual partners in this world.
Negative answer: Because I feel that takes away from what he feels for me. Because I am scared he will fall in love with someone else and disappear forever.Because I am afraid he will be more physically attracted to another and I will feel "not enough".
Conclusion: I am complete no matter what. I am beautiful no matter what you think. I am enjoying my own company most of the time and that is a blessing. I am alone, ultimately on this eternal path no matter who is around and for however long. I am fully capable of achieving anything I want and I know it. I have been truly blessed with incredible, pure souls in my life who are motivated by giving and receiving love and laughter. I am in control of this viewpoint and can access it on a dime if I am conscious and allowing.
I am never finished trying to achieve this perspective, I will fall and get back up. I will create new desires after I have fallin. It will always be challenging and then easy. I will never give up.

Wake up call

This is my favorite artist ever. Yoshitomo Nara

This is how I feel right now after my phone session with the psychic/soul retriever lady, Diana. To be continued.

Health

This is a great site for anyone with health questions
http://jonbarron.org/
He covers everything.

continued- Manhattan Beach Weekend.

If I were a talk radio program I would have said "wow, the call buttons sure lit up on this one!" Jon will be happy to know how much e-mail I have received regarding his picture posting. I actually did it as a joke on him but I have a feeling he'll secretly like it. Jon was my very first friend when I moved here. Someone referred him to me for massage and when I walked through the door of his house I already felt like I knew him. We sat on the floor going through his Cd's after the massage and playing our favorite songs. He burned me three Paul Weller Cd's that day. He took me to the Reefer Madness movie release party and we had a blast. He does lighting and photography. http://www.blackburstla.com/ . We spent the rest of the summer paling around together and dancing to Talking Heads "This must be the place" over and over in my West Hollywood studio. (The loudest apartment known to man. It required a sleeping kit. I thought "Rage" was a restaurant I would be living above when I moved in on a Sunday at noon. In reality it was a gay nightclub. Wow I'm smart. That was a very long year.)

Jon is ridiculously obnoxious. His accent is so thick that luckily, I could just listen to him talk all day, because well, I do. I don't have a choice. He always says "quit talking while I'm interrupting you."He likes to engage everyone in conversation. It drives me nuts. He has to observe everyone and what they're doing and then interact with them. It makes me want to duct tape his mouth. Somehow he gets away with it all because of that Boston accent. He yells stuff like "Hey dude, at least I gotta girl, you gotta backpack!" Jon, shut up please!- me, hiding in the bushes... HOWEVER, he is so much fun and the heart this man has is golden. We say I love you back and forth like 7 times a day. I like a man that isn't afraid to say "I love you". My Dad is like that. It's refreshing. We actually lost touch for a long time, it's great to have him back. It's really fun too because he lives in Manhattan Beach which is like "Sweet Haven" (Popeye) with butt loads of money. I've never seen a town like it. It doesn't even seem real.

We had mimosa's in plastic cups on the beach yesterday morning. Love ya, Brutha.

And Ladies... We are just friends, FYI. I had to keep you guessing.

And to you Claire, the one that always keeps me accountable(see comments), I downloaded the forms today to be a certified massage instructor. It's a long process so wish me luck. I know it's what I have to do. I'm very excited and I think a client and I are going to open the school together on the Malibu coast. We have some great ideas and I don't want to talk about it too much, I just want to get going on this. So that was my goal today and I did it. Yesterday was make it through three massages without dying of lack of sleep and early AM champagne. I finished at 11pm and thought I would surely never wake again once my head hit the pillow.