Bitch-slapped by love(?) let's call it LUV for now.

I am an unexpected turn around.
I am fetal behind your knees.
I am circular fingertips on your temples.
I am unwritten for a week.
I am your last thought.
I am unaware of Malibu burning and 30 car pile-ups.
I am gonna be so fucked if I don't stop eating take-out food under the covers with you.

TeeHee

Man, am I risking looking like a push-over and a big dummy.
Here's the latest.
No, I can't tell. I'm gonna get in so much trouble. My client "B" who made the "what a dick!" comment is gonna fillet me.
Shoot. It is hard keeping it all to myself though.
Maybe I should for once though. Just shut-up and enjoy it. Not add any opinions or vibes to the mystery pot.
So tempting though.
There's some good stuff here.
I am sort of used to looking like a push-over and a big dummy. I never hide it well. I make sure to let everyone know.
I guess it could be a good trait that I am totally OK with making an ass out of myself and know I'm being severely judged at times. I really don't give a shit.
It's more fun to tell my stories than to worry about looking dumb.
I'm pooped though. I'll have to continue this over a cup of Peet's in the AM.

Annacita

I miss my Mom.

Out of the box

Yesterday my life got more interesting. Once and while an event takes place and it threads a million tiny ones together. When I moved here I told myself that it was for a reason, a big reason. I knew I had to see what could happen here. I felt strongly that something would. The day I arrived I exited the 405 and cruised east along Sunset Boulevard. I was happy and light hearted, not a fear in the world about moving to a new city. Those first emotional responses usually indicate good move verses bad move outcomes. As lonely as I can be here, I have never regretted this decision. Just as everything has been thus far, I once again feel like I am in a "choose your own adventure" book. Choose your own life, that's what we are all doing of course. Two very different people live within me. Two different motivators. It's amazing how one little decision can alter your whole story, I could be big or small- or even make you into nothing at all.. Sometimes I am a mountain woman. I want solitude. I want organic food and tea. I want to OM and AHH and meditate. I want to contemplate nano technology and the slip string theory (or the dismantling of it). Ultimately, I want a partner that enjoys these things as well. But Sometimes I am a tequila drinking biker chick that wants to be with a man that has decided protecting me is his life long mission. He would be slightly dangerous and probably never knew his father(kidding). I would say things like "I love you baby" and he would slap me on my ass as he walked out the door.
Some guy calls from my hair dressers chair a few days ago. "Hey, Mike says you're the best and you'll give me a deal on a massage, call me back." First of all, I like Mike but we ain't that close and since when does my hair dressers friend have deal gettin' rights? If I am "the best" am I really in the market to be giving discounted rates? That's like saying "Hey, I hear you're the best lawyer in town, will you give me a discount and take my case because we share the same hair dresser?" I was immediately annoyed. I called back and said my rates are already low and I prefer not to drive to West Hollywood for one massage anyway, it's not worth the drive or the time." He says "OK, my girlfriend and I will get one then." Good. That is settled.
"I'll call you in a couple days."
"Great, Bye."
These LA people I swear.
He calls me a couple nights later and says with a slur, " I have a client here and he gets massages everyday and we are making a movie about his life story and can you give him a massage tonite?" It was 9:30 pm. Umm..,NO. Try me at a normal time and quit trying to impress your client with your "massage hook-up". (I said it in much nicer way than that though.) I then gave him a little shit about being buzzed. He laughed, it was all good.
Finally, I get call from the real McCoy. (Thick east coast accent) "Hi sweetheart! Can you come up to the Sofitel suite---? " If we like you we will get massages everyday." Sure. Off I go.
Now, I need to digress for a moment here. I have always had this ability to win over the meanest bikers, thugs, huge Hawaiian locals, gangsters, you name it. Back in High School I was probably the nicest punk rocker in history with the meanest friends. I don't know why. I guess I'm not scared. I never have been. I have been told a MILLION times that I should be. So far so good. My approach has worked. My body tells me when to leave or stay and I have a super sense of my surroundings at all times. Could be why I hate pot. It takes all those senses away. Never have liked it, never will. It's like a sensory abyss.Horrible.
So when I arrive to the room and say to the Tony Soprano look-and-act-alike "So what makes you so important you get to have a movie made about you?" He exclaims "Honey! Get this girl some champagne I love her already!"
Moments later his wife and I are sharing exact thoughts and life perspectives and basically liked each other so much we were teary about it upon exit. I couldn't wait to see them again. I did see them again, everyday for a week. All the valet guys love me and have individually all told me of their physical ailments while waiting for or dropping off my car.
Without going into much detail(or I could be killed- ha!ha) I will say that this week has been FASCINATING. SHE is one of the strongest women I have ever met (and beautiful, Holy Mary.) And he has so much going on in his mind at such a rapid speed with so much heart to back it up, you just wanna sit next to him.
The story is so mind blowing and they shared the whole thing with me.I read things no one has seen yet, watched video's fresh off the press, got to put in my requests for the actors up for the roles, etc.. They completely trusted me and I will be going to Atlanta in a few weeks to "be their guest" and will have my own driver who apparently doubles as a body guard.
Don't worry though, he is an reformed ex-kingpin, mobster, druglord, involved in one of the largest coke busts in history, and thought so far out of the box he walked away from 2 life sentences and made millions of dollars legally.
He said he has alot of single friends in Atlanta who would love to be around my energy. Ha! You couldn't keep me from checking this adventure out if my life depended on it. I hope it doesn't! I know, everyone in unison now "BE CAREFUL".
More thoughts soon.