So, I was all fired up to write a whole entry on the cons of this relationship and all the ways sharing life with another challenges me on a daily basis.. Then we had this AMAZING, epic night together last night and now I don't care as much about those little pain in the ass things he does. I, of course, had a "I'm a loser, have nothing, don't know what I want to be when I grow up" freak-out sessions and he looked straight at me and said "My whole life I have prepared for the worst. I was disappointed often, shipped around to different family members, learned to suck up my feelings and assume some defensive position against the future. Then I met you and I watch how things always work out for you in crazy, mysterious, ways and how you really have faith, and you really get back what you project, and I want to be like you. So relax, lighten up. You will be FINE. I have no doubt. Who loves you Baby?"
(He's fond of that last sentence. He says that alot. It's cute. It's fun to say "you do!")
Isn't that a nice thing to hear?
I'll write later about how impatient he can be, how immature, quick to react, throws around the awful word "whatever" when he wants to stop a conversation that is uncomfortable for him, and other charming traits. I'll write later about how my free-spirited self has been pinned to a piece of felt and I panic every other day about being so observed by another human being. I wanted someone to care if I got home safe and to know where I was, etc.. Be careful what you wish for. Now I grit my teeth in the middle of the night when he says "Where are you going Baby?" and try not to scream "To the bathroom! Where the hell else would I be going at 4 am numnutts?" I swear he asks me that. Not just once either. Several times.
I also need to say that I have never had a boyfriend that got jealous before. I always felt like I must not be worth someone even being possessive of me. Really, I just chose to be with free-thinking types that considered jealousy to be silly and trite-"the heart is big enough to love many, blah,blah.." Point or no point, I wanted someone to be jealous of me, not want to lose me to another, etc. Well, guess what? It's not all it's cracked up to be. Here is another over-used sentence in my home. " Relax, he's gay" Even if they aren't- they are now. Sorry straight guy friends.
Saturday, March 1
Pinned and observed
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7 comments:
what about that guy who got jealous when I spent the night? remember? he was like, "ummm, who's Charlotte? where's she going to sleep?" funny stuff stef - i want more! : )
hey, mija. i don't want to hear about the cons. i know there are cons but if you write about them, then i feel like you're focusing on them.
i love these posts. he sounds like a dream and i hope i meet him some day. i also think you shouldn't do free massages half a continent away. you have the potential to make a good income but kind of tend to sabotage it (IMHO). hey, what do i know? i'm just typing what's coming out.
you always said that you were at your best when you were in a couple. a dynamic duo. i think this may be one of those best best times. i'm very happy for you. ignore the cons.
love, mamacita
p.s. he has t-shirts without holes or stains? OMG!
p.s. redux
if you were really a loser, you would've typed "looser". that's how all the losers on craigslist spell it. i'm just sayin'.
i agree with your mom. i recently said that "bad things" make better topics for writing. but a more accurate statement is that writing about bad things is more compelling because it's therapeutic, for me anyways. often I can't laugh about a thing i think is terrible til I write about it and find humor. but the good stuff is great and it gives me hope and so if you think you have to write about the cons so your single readers don't sit there feeling sorry for themselves because you found love and they didn't, well...
maybe that's not why you wanted to write about the cons. but, well, yeah, let's hear it for the pro's.
You guys are so great. You give me a reason to write. Hey Char! I forgot about that stalker-jealous- weirdo ex-boyfriend of mine. God. He was a freak. It was all about the sex. I'm easy.
Oh Stef this is so good....Gosh you make me laugh and I also agree with your mom...in just about everyting she says, her comments are so good too....so I think you take after her!!!!! Besides she's a Capricorn.
I love you through thick and thin girl and I can't wait to meet him in person soon.
=D
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