I'm not in my car!

First matter at hand; Mom is OK. Thank God.
I'm whirling from the Punk Rock Cowboy's most recent visit. Last night.
Before you judge, hear me out.
He texts me 2 weeks ago " I miss your face." I don't respond. I would have said "you miss my #@$%&*!!" Then I get a text yesterday morning. A long one, a good one. A heart felt one.
"We were getting along famously, you are smart, sexy, and funny. I like you, and you tell me to get lost because I happen to like to sleep where all my stuff is." Now, I actually understand this reasoning. I understand well. We were both only children raised by single moms. We both read books at the breakfast table quietly with our mothers. We both want to sleep at our houses and do what we want. We will either grow to want more or we won't. T and I took our time and it was a long time before we went on 4-day stretches. I forget that.
He came over. His energy was authentic. He was humble. He was beautiful. I mean it. He is dewy. He is ridiculously smart too. I took him in like medicine and I'm not even sick. He is metaphor embodied. He earned my trust last night. Let the story unfold because I am ready to write it with quill and ink.
But that is beside the point.
What he got last night was a woman fresh from the ground. Grassroots. I left a mountain of love from above. I literally "drove" myself crazy up north. The traffic in the Bay Area is sci-fi. It is soooooo bad that it out ways LA by huge percentages. Believe me or not. It sucks DONKEYS. At least in LA I have alternate routes. Being stuck for hours on a bridge or in a tunnel is horrible. However, I drove around to feel the pure love of my people. Friends that love me to the core. Clients that have become so family that a grown man of extreme conservative nature cried on the table and confided his stresses of being all that he is; a provider. He hugged me 3 times before I left. Their home is my home. I am as comfortable there as I get. I can open the fridge, crawl in bed and watch TV, take over the computer, laugh, cry.. you name it. The most unlikely people are some of my closest friends. They want to fly me up every other Thursday and let me use their car to massage other people while I'm there. I said I would because I miss them and I would finally have a way to stay connected to my friends as well. It never really hit me until now how alone I can sometimes feel down here. I have half friends here. T was my true bud. Tomorrow we will meet for our first outing as friends. We are going to the garment district to pick out fabric for Pastease. This is easier to imagine now that I may officially be dating someone.
Back to the bay.
I neglected at least 7 people of extreme importance and still was a complete mad woman. I drank with my single friends at night (I have alcohol poisoning for sure) arrived at my married with kids friends houses hung over as hell, and sat in horrible heat and traffic to massage people in between. I am fried, and broke.
Oh well.
Per visit with Alex: When little Devin ran out after me into the garden and yelled "I miss you right now" and then ran into my arms and kissed me on the cheek I died. She calls her dad "Falula" and Alex "Tanalee" for no reason. That's just their names. She is my Goddaughter. Such a funny little fairy girl.
Per Clair visit: Her husband came to the door with a pamper on his head and the house was crazy full of toys and smiles and kids raised with heaps of love. How a woman that calm can have that much activity around her is amazing. I can't even listen to 2 people talk at once without having a panic attack. How do people do it?
Per Jacqueline visits: We are like the same person. It's weird. All drama and passion. Being there for this time in her life is like a gift. I watched a strong woman cry and smile her way through a seemingly impossible situation and be totally present in the unfolding in an intentional, spiritual way... She will be fine- but I could still kill her husband for doing this to my friend. What a fucker. Who starts dating other women 2 months after buying a house with his wife and 6 year old? Dickweed. I told her to let HIM figure this one out. She's done everything else so far.
Per Mike visit: Thank God someone loves me THAT MUCH. He is my rope. I can't believe how lucky I am to have him. I will gladly be by his side at 90 yrs old. We say it as a joke but we both know it's a probable outcome.
Per Sarah visit: Walking through the woods in half moon bay to the restaurant for sunset, laughing like hell, dissecting our childhoods, fried egg sandwiches in bed. What fun. What a crazy life this is turning out to be.
Per Nikki machine shop visit: How I missed that smell of grease and metal. I love machines. I love big men in cover-alls with bigger hearts. I will never be homeless because there is always a home for me with 2 two huge cranes in the drive way and 5 dogs to greet me. Just don't turn right instead of left or you will be in the world’s scariest projects. Hunters point.
Per Daune visit: You are so badass. I must be too to have a chick like you on my side. You have been dealt a bad hand and you are still so willing to love.
Per hunting Tony down, my ex-boyfriend, and the man who had the largest impact on me in the shortest amount of time: You are like no other person I have ever met. I think I will always be in love with you. Every second is interesting, electric, over-whelming, exhausting, funny, uncomfortable, comfortable, challenging, and downright strange. I love people that light up whole cities. He does.
This is an over-view. I have to write more specifics later.
I’m sure you are excited.
This entry sure lacks writing skills but I wanted to get it out before I lost the feeling.

Rooftop dinner on Labor Day with Mike and friends.

Tony when we first met