Day Seven

Can anyone believe I have gone this long without food? I sure as hell can't. I'm pretty proud of me. I massaged the greatest guy yesterday. New client. He was happily married, a writer for "Lost", a triathlete that did Iron Man on the Big Island. We had a great conversation. He said in a totally non-sleazy way "do you get hit on while you're massaging people, like, all the time?" It was a nice way of him telling me he thought I was cute without breaking any rules. We got in a conversation about relationships and how he met his wife and he said " Don't worry AT ALL Stef, he'll find you, he will." I thought that was a sweet thing for someone to say who just met me.
I find it funny that the said "heart breaker" said " you shouldn't be thinking about me with another woman during this time of your cleanse." WHAT THE HELL ELSE AM I GONNA THINK ABOUT? I can't numb my feelings with food or alcohol so I just have to face the pain. Yes, I meditate every morning, I do oil pastels every night, I work my ass off all day, I organized all my paperwork, I read great literature, study quantum physics,... I think I am doing pretty well considering but to ignore the fact that the close friend I had I lost to someone else named STEPHANIE (because I can't be around him without wanting to punch him) hurts like fuck and I am not going to put that out of my head right now. I want answers without having to ask questions, I want peace and closure without losing anything precious to me (him). I want things I can never have. Not with him. This sucks donkeys and I am not going to pretend it doesn't.
I can't wait to spend a month in Hawaii in December. I can't fucking wait to go to SF next month. Hopefully I get to see the Bee Charmer. He makes everything tastier. Just like honey he is.