I should be going to bed but I need to write. What an interesting day indeed. I woke up with horrible cramps and a headache- hormones flying. I cancelled my massages and stayed in. I thought about this distracted, separate from myself feeling I've been having lately and really got that this physical relationship I have been having with the punk rock cowboy is NOT GOOD. I've felt like he was a fun movie but so NOT genuine. So lacking any real respect for me. He never asked about my life, commented on any topics that I brought up unless they pertained to his "persona" somehow, or made any plans with me outside of my house. He even did that annoying thing I hate. He would kiss me in the middle of my sentences. You have no idea how much that bugs me. As it should.
Here is the transcript of my ending this via text: (BTW, one strange factor in all this was that we did text and call each other several times a day. Always initiated by him. We had good wit together but no depth of soul.)
ME: You know Z, feeling a little weird about this have sex and leave deal. I'm not really comfortable with it.
HIM: Dude! I've known you for like 2 weeks, way 2 early for this. PMS?
(my thoughts not spoken*pls.don't call me dude, and it's been a month moron.)
ME: Well, I've never done THIS before. Have you? Maybe it's an LA thing. I've never slept with a guy I had never been in public with before.
HIM: Maybe this isn't the best idea
ME: Guess not. Was fun though (insert smiley face)
HIM: Yup, Good luck.
ME: Wow, you're cold.
HIM: I'm direct and don't mince words but call it what you want.
long pause...
HIM: And yes, it was fun.
That was that. Kinda strange to have the phone stop lighting up 6 times a day. It's always weird that two worlds can collide for any length of time and then nothing... Just dead air. I was pissed and felt totally used but it passed and I got perspective quickly. I'm happy I said it and I'm glad it has ended.
Then I got a call from my HILARIOUS, huge, friend Andy that I met through the guys (T) at the animation studio. He and a group of guy friends just got back from a fishing trip and had 4 huge Ahi tuna's they were grilling and asked if I would like to join them, girlfriends, wives, etc..I made myself go so I wouldn't sit here with that awful text vibe floating in the air.
So now I have just returned from 5 hours of laughing and eating with the greatest group of people ever. I must have been with the funniest people to ever have been in one space together without being at a comedy club. AND THE FOOD. Oh my God, it was amazing. They have their tuna grilling down to an art. Thank you life for unexpected life preservers and quality humans everywhere! I think I just made a whole new group of friends, genuine ones.
Sunday, August 19
laughing is the antidote to idiot invasions
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2 comments:
You know Stef, you're really brave. I don't know that I would have had the courage to dump the dumb cowboy (he let you go so easily, he is seriously DUMB!) so quickly. And by text.
There was this guy looking to initiate sexual contactm like a few days ago. I told him I was not interested in a short term flingy thing. And he said, whoa this is going way too fast. And I felt so cheap and cheated and unlovable. But yeah, moving right along. A friend sat me down and had me write "qualities" in the guy I want to be with. I'm now up to 20 "qualities" and it's so much fun. We're gonna have lunch now. Later, Stef.
Once a friend said "Stef, write down 10 qualities you absolutely must have in a man. OK, now pick the 5 most important ones out of those 10. OK, now pick the three top ones out of those 5 'cause that's all you're going to get." She may have a point. Ha ha.
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